Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Jump on the Sex Bandwagon!

Kim Basinger showed embarrassment at the fact that several of her daughter's friends have seen her nude in her past films; Cindy Crawford, at the age of 13, is quite possibly thinking the opposite.

The 90's bombshell taking it off for the camera comes at a time when several women across the nation are joining the sex biz. No connections, I'm sure.

And while their mothers are off shooting porn, teenage girls are "sexting" it up. One group of girls have gone as far as to sue a prosecutor who was going to charge them with child pornography.

As my little old, prudish grandmother would say, "Aye dios mio." It seems everyone and their mother is getting on the sex bandwagon.

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Teen Sex

The hot button isn't just sex; it's teen sex. A lot of us would rather hide under a rock than to acknowledge that children - your children - are sexually active. Rather than teaching them how to protect themselves should they decide to engage in it, we opt to keep them in the dark with abstinence-only programs at school.

Being the sort of person who cries when a condom commercial airs on television before 9PM can be disastrous if you cringe at the thought of talking to your teen about doing the nasty. Abstinence-only ideology isn't cutting it - what can we do to stop teen pregnancies if we refuse to teach them the alternative of safe sex?

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The Racy Photo

Let's face it: We're not all made to grace the covers of Playboy or Playgirl, but one man wants your naughty sexts for artistic reasons. The fact that your naughty pics are considered art is just as strange as your sister's compulsive problem to sucking on your breasts. I know a few of you just got a rise out of that last bit of information, but trust me, corrections were made.

Because we'd rather be the ones sucking on the breasts of our sister-in-laws, or pleasing our brother-in-laws – admit it, you've thought of it – we must question if humans are monogamous creatures. Some say we're not; others say you make the commitment to one person and only one. If you're looking for some new excitement, however, a nice guy has made a list for you to follow to avoid problems. But to be honest, I think one woman is enough for me. And I didn't write that because she's standing behind me, grimacing. I mean it. Seriously. She's not standing behind me.

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Few Words on our Sexual Culture

Crammed in the court house auditorium with several other disgruntled, potential jurors, I begin to mull over the concept "of sound mind or good moral character." I deduce that those who are not of sound mind aren't the sort of people who make asses out of themselves online; rather they are people of my intelligence with some sort of "mental disability." Concluding that I'm not of sound mind because my anxiety may hinder my decision making, I still have trouble wrapping my head around the concept "of good moral character."

How does anyone judge whether or not he or she is of good moral character? The most obvious arises: those who deal or do drugs; those who are incline to take bribes; those who are racists; those who are sympathizers to child molesters; those who run sex shops (such as illegal prostitution and sex trafficking). These are the sort of people that came to mind when I thought about it long enough. However, good moral character has a plethora of connotations. For instance, the pornographer releasing the 100th triple-X Blu-ray title (may be NSFW) may seen as a person of poor moral character by a few of you out there. Or the person who shoves his hands down his pants and masturbates to online fodder, may be consider an individual of poor moral character. Even the woman having sex would be considered a person of poor moral character. None of these, however, would exactly exempt them from serving on a jury.

Sex sales – we've all heard the concept before. Yet, for every Calvin Klein commercial there is a group of people crying to the FCC that sex is destroying the innocence that is found in the youth of America. However, the very same youth of America they're aiming to protect are being arrested for creating, having and networking child pornography. Tougher laws are being pushed after one girl decided to take her own life after nude photos were distributed to several classmates through the very technology that she used to take them.

Several parents place the blame in the wrong mediums: sexuality on the television; sexuality in music; online pornography; celebrity sex tapes. If you can think it, it's been blamed for being responsible for the sudden boom in child sexual activity. Child upbringing starts at home and what you allow and don't allow your child to watch. Every parent has a different way of parenting, but by making something taboo, one is only driving their children into it. Talking to your child about the consequences of their actions might be a better path to take. As one porn filmmaker said, "Once you make an adult film, it never goes away."

With current situations, however, it's not surprise that sex is getting so much attention again (as if there was ever a time when it didn't). The economy is crashing and the sex industry – namely, the adult movie industry, is seeking government help in the form of a bailout. What an absurd idea, am I right? So absurd it's like calling the deputy attorney general a pornographer due to court cases and free speech issues he'd taken on in the past. It would seem that the lyrics of the off Broadway musical turned internet meme is flawed: the porn industry isn't immune to the recession.

Where does this leave us, though? Are we in our current position because we're people who don't possess good moral character? Some say we need a spiritual bailout and turn to imaginary friends in the sky for aid. In fact, I think we're quite the opposite of needing a spiritual bailout. If anything, we're in a great need of spiritual purging.

It seems that several of us have forgotten what really makes this country great: The idea that every man is created equal. It is in our inalienable right to love another person; one could say it's our god-given right. Marriage, as it turns out, isn't.

Our freedoms have been compromised by the devout and homophobia has spilled over the Supreme Court. Relying on hate mongers to pass laws and keep the interest of this country's people is as intelligent as letting the KKK decide if the Holocaust is historically correct.

It's sad thought that the very people who'd hinder love from flourishing are thought to be those of good moral character. It would seem that these people don't follow or understand the teachings they preach. Rather than accepting individuals into their lives, they cast stones and expel them from their chapels. It seems they'd rather seen a child go homeless and die on the streets than to fathom the idea of two men or women raising it. And from hate springs more hate – no one is born homophobic (or racist for that matter), it's their upbringing. And unlike homosexuality, this sort of mindset can be changed and needs to be changed if we're ever going to thrive in this time of need.

We need to escape this "Mrs. Grundyism," as A.C. Grayling called it, and progress toward a better future. (For those of you scratching your head on the definition, in his essay "Sex," he describes it as: the moral conservatism which presumes to tell other people what to think and how to behave.) By allowing the government or our so-called moral leaders to tell us who we can and cannot marry, we're losing a little bit of ourselves in the process. We cannot call ourselves the land of the free if there is an exception tagged on by an asterisk.

We come at last to the question that started all this: What does it take for a person to be of good moral character? Acceptance is one – possibly the most ideal trait. But is acceptance alone going to do it for us? Perhaps none of us will ever be a person of good moral character.

Monday, March 23, 2009

From Garden Snake to Trouser Snake

I love cheesy porn introductions - you know what I'm talking about: the one where the pizza delivery guy/plumber/mechanic/husband (um...these usually work when the husband gets home early and finds the babysitter masturbating on the couch to his sex tape)/whatever says something cheesy and then does something cheesy that leads to hot explicit sex. Yeah, those are usually much more enjoyable that the porn flick itself. Wait. Is it weird that I think that?

Sunday, March 22, 2009

From the Poor House to the Whore House

With the economy in the shitter and the ever more difficulty of finding new work, many US women are turning to the "immune" industry - the Adult Industry. It isn't completely unheard of that women in desperate times would turn to sex - that, ladies in gentlemen, is why we have hookers (maybe not, but let's face it, women turning to prostitution isn't that far behind).

However, one filmmaker gives out a very great caveat: "Once you make an adult film, it never goes away." You might find yourself in a bigger pickle than Kim Basinger.

Embarrassed Naked Mom

Kim Basinger, known for her roles in movies such as 9 1/2 Weeks, is embarrassed and feeling rather vulnerable. I know, what exactly does she feel vulnerable about? This stunning 55-year-old luscious woman is still working a killer bod - certainly if half the women at her age had her prowess, they wouldn't mind spending a few hours walking about completely nude. Wait, actually, that's exactly why Basinger is embarrassed about.

Perhaps it's not a regret toward ever doing a nude scene but, rather, the fact that her teenage daughter's friends have seen those movies. In fact, that is the case. Most boys paw at the chance to see their friend's attractive mother naked, but Kim makes it easy. All they have to do is go down to the video store and rent out a movie.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wild Sex Tape!

Amid the (rumored) break up, hit maker, Rihanna is worried that a sex tape might make the internet. The tape contains (allegedly) both Rihanna and male chauvinist/woman beater Chris Brown. She worries that such a video can ruin her career. However, this would-be blogger states that, if anything, the sex tape will land her a four season reality show contract with E!

All Girls are Girly

She was our favorite little explorer, wasn't she? But she was just more than that. Dora the Explorer was a symbol that not all girls have to think about lipstick and powder, paving the way for the ideal androgyny that the prude nation needed. Sadly, our favorite little explorer has gone through some cosmetic surgery and the final draft of her has been released. Behold! the evidence being spoon-fed to young girls everywhere: It's not okay to be a tomboy!

At least she's still brown.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The holy space ghost

I noticed that I've gone astray with this blog. That's because the news is always the same damn thing. Over and over, the same complaints. I'm going into hiding and attempt this again. Maybe make it more adult and less PG-13.

Why Dr Ted Baehr needs to be sodomize by a superhero

For those of you who don't know who Dr Ted Baehr is, I'll just give you a few simple words: Neo-Nazi, fascist shit-bag. Dr Ted Baehr is on one of those assholes in the world that cry when someone shows their butt on TV or on the big screen. And what has stirred his attention? The film Watchmen because of it's extreme violence, a blue penis, sex and rape - all of which can be found in the Bible, I may add, with the exception of the blue penis (I hope).

Now I made a comment about Dr. Manhattan's blue penis in an earlier post because I was shocked (but mostly amused) to see a family bring their kids into the theater to watch the film. Now I'm not a parent, but I know what bad parenting is - you know, the sort of person who takes their kid to a Rated-R movie would equate a bad parent.

I don't see what's so hard about a person getting online and read a family friendly review site before deciding to take your kid to a film. It's not that hard! Besides, I know better than to ever think a Rated-R movie is appropriate for a kid - we do remember what Rated-R means, right?

But assholes like Dr. Ted Baehr aren't rational people. Rather, they'd like to shove their backward dogma down our throats so he can please his fake god. We all know people like Baehr probably have stockpiles of porn - possibly gay porn, because you know they hate that the most - and they masturbate in public places so kids can see them. You're not a good person, "Dr." Baehr, nor are you an educated man. If you don't like the blue penis, too bad. But you can't say shit about brutal violence (it's in the Bible), sex (it's in the Bible) or rape (it's in the Bible), because they are the foundation of your religion.

With that being said, I wish I had his e-mail so I could send him countless pics of Dr. Manhattan's cock.

That was hot

I'm sitting in my "office" with my buddy watching TV when this Dannon commercial comes on for their Light 'n Fit yogurt. After the lady sucks out the contents of the small container and it falls off her mouth, she smiles. This, apparently, is my friend's cue to say, "Now that was hot. Right? That was really hot."

To be frank, I want to believe that this commercial wasn't suppose to hint blow job, but it does: The lady does suck out the creamy contents of a yogurt container. I'll let you decide for yourselves.

I wonder if this guy's still alive

You sexual deviants have strange fetishes, and I praise you for that. I have a few, none that I'll list here, but I'll will mention they involve rope, duct tape, teeth, women's underwear, panty hose and someone in the corner reading Plato dialogues aloud. But a tornado? That's going to far. Makes me feel sorry for the guy, because no one in the right mind would want to risk life - because leather belts tied to pipes, despite what the movie said, won't be enough to keep a person from being sucked into the vortex - in order to sustain orgasm.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Um...You're like 50, right?

I think I'm going to puke. Not because of the bad Chinese I had for dinner, but because of Madonna. It's like she doesn't know when to stop - I think when you hit 50, you should make an attempt to act your age. Madonna didn't get that memo.

A few years ago, Madonna was only pushing 50 and she was gyrating on the floor. I remember this clearly because I woke up one morning, turned on VH1 and puked. I missed class that day. I called my professor to tell him I had gone blind and was up-chucking the contents of my stomach: "You saw Madonna, didn't you?" was all he managed to say.

Steak & BJ Day

Mark your calendars: March 14th is Steak & BJ Day, the male equivalent to Valentine's Day.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Chris Brown Wants You

So Chris "Slugger" Brown wants his fans - if he has any left - to vote for him for the Kids Choice Awards. Is he serious? He thinks that he deserves an award after what he did? And if we, as a people, don't vote for him, are we all going to be personally beaten by him?

I think we should all send a message to Chris Brown that clearly states that those who abuse women should not be looked upon with celebrity, but with scorn. That no man should be awarded and rewarded for his abusive deeds. So head on to his Myspace post and tell Slugger that he doesn't deserve shit from us little people.

Sexy Ads Don't Cause Rape

"Gee, I wonder why women get raped," the American Apparel sign reads after someone took it into their own hands to graffiti the sign. "Gee, I wonder why women get raped." I have no love for American Apparel, but not for the reasons so many other people have qualms against the clothing company whose exploitation of the phrase Sex Sells has been their foundation for some time now. My disliking of the company is merely political, rather than siding with the hordes of mindless zombies who cry out, "They're objectifying women! This makes me feel bad." Get over it.

Far from the actions of the fore-mothers of feminism, the new breed of feminists have little to complain about. Still, illusions of the glass ceiling are pressed on when a college faculty member accidentally makes a remark on how girls aren't as good as math as boys - something that isn't completely dishonest, just not politically correct (studies have shown a lack of enthusiasm in girls when it comes to math and science - this doesn't mean they're bad at it, just that they're not into it; at the same time, I would like to state here that my girlfriend excels where I fail in algebra, noting that, while some females aren't interested in math, others are really good at it). However, in a nation where women are in control of their bodies - unless the prolifers have their way - and what they do, there can be little to say that objectification exists. It's not like there hasn't been a time when I've turned on the television to see a buff man walking around without a shirt - is this objectifying men? Where are the arguments with that? Why hasn't anybody stood up for us? This is coming from a guy who was never muscular - I went from super thin/scrawny to chubby/overweight (something I'm currently in the works of fixing).

While these ads should make me feel insecure - I'm far from perfect - because half the time I wonder if my girlfriend would rather have a fit, buff guy who can throw her around with ease. However, I manage to swallow the fact that I'm not that sort of guy.

No one fights for the guy who's in his underwear, crossed armed and muscular because nothing ever happens to men - right? So when a woman does something similar, we're automatically labeling it objectifying because woman are capable of getting raped and ads like those that American Apparel releases causes rapists to do what they do? The same is said about pornography, but it's simply not true. Rapists don't get false illusions from pornography - they're already messed up in the first place.

While I may not agree with American Apparel's inconsideration for placing billboards with ads like the one pictured above because children may come across it - and I'm all for protecting the innocence of children - I don't believe that spray painting, "Gee, I wonder why women get raped," across it makes a political statement. Rather it diminishes those women who were, are and will be raped because a man has a power issue, not because he saw a billboard, an ad on his computer, in a magazine or on television.

The Last Word

Love it or hate it, we wake up this morning in a world without The L Word. While a few lesbians out there are mourning the loss of their beloved TV versions, a few of them are probably off celebrating the death of those who do not represent them well enough on TV.

While I find it stupid that those out there were even pissed at the fact that TV lesbians do not compare to real lesbians, I'm the sort of person who boycotts a movie about a small Mexican "dog" because I find it poorly represents my people. I suppose I can understand where you're coming from, angry lesbians.

However, a few of you may have noted that this year hasn't been a stellar year for the lesbian, or homosexuals for that matter. With the evil Prop 8 passing even after we elected the country's first black president, has hindered our ideals of an accepting America. The I'm-just-not-that-into-you mindset has swept across the boob tube when the subject is on the fairer sex who loves the fairer sex: I whole-heartily disagree. Rather than seeing it as the country no longer has any love for the lesbians on television, we should look at it as the country no longer wanting to caricature homosexuals in general because of the series stereotypes that may be pushing Prop 8 supporters to make absurd claims when it comes to same-sex marriage.

Reading Erotica on the 9 o'clock

My mother bought me The Best of Best American Erotica 2008 for my birthday last year. It was something of a milestone for my mother who was born in 1950 and was raised by a very Catholic and traditional family. My grandmother, wasn't the most accepting person in the world, despite how loving she was. Sex was a subject of taboo for her as she raised my mother believing that babies came from swallowing watermelon seeds or when a woman is sitting down wind from a man. Yes, my mother was one of those individuals who happened to find herself, at an early age, facing death the moment her period first came around the corner. Several decades later, on my 25th birthday, my mother takes the book from my hand, looks at it and then at me before saying, "This is what you want?"

Okay, maybe it wasn't the best step forward for my mother, who eventually handed me the money to make the purchase myself, but the fact remains: She bought me the book knowing what she was buying. Later, when I mentioned the event on a blog of mine, Susie Bright commented on the post, stating the 2008 edition was in fact the final edition. So this year, while roaming the aisles at Barnes & Noble, I notice the empty feeling that I will not being seeing another edition. Great.

My mother is probably one of the many people who I've come across of that thinks pornography when they hear the word erotica. One time, on a bus to Brownsville, when I was visiting my at-the-time girlfriend, I pulled out the 2002 Edition and started reading. Because it was a morning bus ride, no one really sat around me to begin with, but the moment the neighbor across the isle saw the sort of "smut" I was reading, his face slackened and suddenly I was a leper. When I got off the bus, the girlfriend saw the book and made a face. Ironically enough, the collection would be the first book she actually wanted to read that wasn't forced on her.

Several years later, I'm sitting at my computer reading a Google Alert that informs me that a website (and I won't link it here because I don't feel the need to) with the term erotica has sold for a nice chunk of money. Curiosity, once again, gets the better of me. Sadly, I am disappointed. I suppose I'm an unusual guy - pornography, while fun to watch, isn't something I wanna see. Disappointed, I find myself wondering if erotica does in fact equal pornography. It's something I'm still attempting to figure out.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Ever get that feeling there's cameras in your room?

I just saw this video and it left me cracking up. Reminds me of an ex-girlfriend I had. Though I don't think she ever actually cheated on me. And if she did, she probably would never own up to it.

On Transgenders & Their Breasts

It's lackluster, really. I'm walking around the store and I see one in the distance. It doesn't take a genius to point them out in the crowd, but it does take a complete idiot (or a whole lot of cosmetic and early hormone procedures) to mistake one for an actual woman. And while I'm not repelled by the transsexual/transvestite, I'm also not attracted to them either - well, most of them anyway.

"Look at that one," my girlfriend-at-the-moment says, pointing out the window. We're in downtown Brownsville, transvestite prostitute territory, as one of them emerges from the shadows in skinny jeans, heels, a blouse that barely covers the paunch of her stomach, badly placed makeup and a receding hairline that is noticeable from space. We cackle at her, not out of prejudice, but at the plain fact that she assumed she looked good coming out of the house like that.

All my significant others (past & present) have on thing in common, however, (and this does fall in to the topic of conversation) and that's the very fact that they feel/felt inadequate when it comes to their chests. Most of them were proportionate with their bodies - can you imagine a thin girl with large breasts (that's some serious back problems we're dealing with) - or a chubby girl with larger breasts than need be (again, the added weight would crush her). And I've done my best to keep the current one (and when I was with the past ones) comforted that their breast size didn't add anything to my affection - large, small or completely flat, I loved them nonetheless and they shouldn't attempt to be define by their cup size.

Then there's the problem: The Tranny with the larger, "perfect" tits. Oy vey.

Explaining a blue penis to your children

I went to see Watchmen yesterday to see if the movie was going to be a big let down. It wasn't. However, don't be like that jerk who went to watch the movie only to complain that it was the worse three hours of his life: It is not a superhero movie in the sense of Spider-man, Batman or Superman are a superhero movie.

Anyway, there I am sitting next to my mother who accompanied me to the film because we do that sometimes when Dr. Manhattan comes out in all his glory. And believe me when I say this, he's naked throughout most of the film and the camera doesn't shy away from his dong. This isn't anything new for me. I've seen worse movies with my mother - Y Tu Mama Tambien comes to mind, as well as a few other movie. However, what made me smirk was the fact the family sitting in front of us contained children ranging from the ages of 9-11 years old (two boys and one girl). How do you even explain that to them? I don't really find it all that offensive if boys see a penis on screen because they have one, but the girl?

Okay, parents, calm down! There's a simple way to avoid all this: DON'T TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO A RATED R FILM. If you happen to let that slip, then you better be prepared to explain to little Jimmy or Stacey why the man's penis is blue and why it just hangs there. You may also want to prepare yourself for when they ask, "Does the penis get bigger when he gets bigger?" You only have yourself to blame.